Is it spring yet? This is the time of year when I get impatient for spring. I start planning my garden, and conveniently overlook the fact that we are still months away from planting. It’s a good feeling in some ways, but also a little itchy.
Things here are good. I have found my moderation mojo again, although I am still not quite perfect. But I am happy, and moving in the right direction. For me, that seems to be toward a blanket rule against drinking at home, while still enjoying an occasional social drink. Funny how that is probably the opposite of what would work for someone else, but it’s the right option for me.
In keeping with the turning of the seasons, I am feeling more aware of the ways that I grow over time, and change. When I first started this blog, I felt like I was in the middle of a tremendous upheaval, breaking out of years of bad habits. Now, I feel like I am in the middle of a million different projects, none of them alcohol-related. I just have so many interesting things to do, and of course, never quite enough time to do it all.
I do not currently have much to say about drinking. Really, it’s one of the areas of my life where I feel basically peaceful and in control. I remember the years of feeling like I was falling into a deep well, and the fear that I’d never climb out again; it’s a good reminder to appreciate where I am now. But I also don’t find it particularly rewarding to dredge up memories of the bad times, nor do I think I have any useful lessons on how to live in this frustrating, fascinating, desperately unfair, shatteringly lovely world of ours. Other than: whenever possible, be kind.
In the next few weeks or months, I think it is likely that I will delete this blog. Not because there’s anything here that worries me, just because I have some vague plans to de-clutter a few corners of my life (physically and digitally). I’m glad I focused on myself so intensely for a while; I’m even more glad that it’s left me better able to focus on more interesting things.
So this blog is probably going to vanish, but I’ll still be out here — planting, making, writing, fighting, building, connecting, living, sleeping, and everything else that comes my way. And I’ll be thinking of all you who are out there too, and hoping that you find your peaceful balance, sober bedtimes, and fascinating projects too…or whatever mix is right for you.